Random Thoughts From A Server IV

I ended last week writing about a very serious topic, but one that I felt needed to be addressed.  I’ve decided that in order to help raise the spirits on this special day that I should add a post to Restaurant Laughs.  I haven’t posted an installment of the “Random Thoughts” series in a few weeks.  Part one, part two, and part three have received wonderful reviews.  Maybe if you like this one, you should go read those.  Better yet, share it with a couple friends.  It might even inspire some random thoughts of your own.  Share those thoughts in comment section below.

That is what an introductory paragraph looks like when I have writer’s block.

People who know the names Ramsey or Bourdain, but not Escoffier or Careme should not be allowed to be food snobs.

When I was younger, everyone who owned a guitar claimed to be a musician.  A few years later, everyone with a turntable was a DJ.  Then everyone with a Mac and copy of Garage Band was a producer.  Now everybody in their mid twenties that owns a martini shaker calls themselves a bartender.

For every really rude table I serve, I wait on several that are actually pretty nice people I would enjoy having a conversation with.  Those ratios are not ever fairly represented in my recounting of my shift after work.

Prom kids are not normally very lucrative, but some of them have been really cool over the years.  I try to give them the benefit of the doubt just in case.

One of my favorite parts of being a server is that I have random weekday afternoons off.  This means that I can buy a season pass to my local amusement park and ride roller coasters all season long without waiting in line.  Take that people with a “real job.”

If there were a yelp page for groupon, I would imagine the reviews would be pretty horrible.  If there was a groupon for yelp, no one would buy it.

I had a lady ask for avocado with her meal.  I told her I would ask the chef if we had any.  She said, “You are a steak house, you have to.”  I still don’t see her logic.

Tonight a guest ordered salmon.  When I asked her how she would like it cooked she said, “Medium well of course.”  A guest at the next table ordered it as well and when asked said, “Medium rare of course.”  This is why I ask…. Of course

I can understand that guests come in dressed more casually than the server uniform at some restaurants.  When they dress worse than the line cooks, I shake my head.

I am still waiting for a guest to say they refuse to buy a groupon, but demand $40 worth of food for $20.  I wonder if the restaurant owner will realize that they will make twice as much money off this offer.

I am really tired of Yahoo and MSN posting stories about how restaurants try to get you to spend money.  Yes, restaurants do try to get people to buy things.  I am pretty sure that guests know that when they walk in.  What they don’t know is that Yahoo and MSN make their money by selling advertising to companies hoping to reach people dumb enough to not know that restaurants charge money.

Why do people never remember their lunch break is only an hour until 55 minutes of it has expired?

This whole random thoughts series would be more appropriately named “things I thought would be a good facebook status.” 

If it wasn’t for sports bars with 37 televisions, I think the 2 pm rebroadcast on ESPN 8 of the 2003 firefighter challenge championship qualifier from Oklahoma City would have much worse ratings.

 I use this particular event as an example because it was the only time I have ever been on ESPN.  I wasn’t actually visible though because I was in an eight foot tall inflatable mascot costume as “Hootie” the Hooter’s owl.

Two Priests walk into a restaurant fifteen minutes before closing time.  They nurse a bottle of wine for over two hours.  This isn’t the beginning of a joke, but a description of my last shift.

When Stephen Hawking said, “The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.” I think he was talking about people who watch The Food Network.

When I was a manager for a popular wing restaurant that required their waitresses to wear tiny uniforms, people would ask me, “How do you get them to wear those uniforms?”  I would tell them to come in on Halloween when they got to dress as they wished and find out that for some of the staff the uniform forced them to cover up.

On that note: Happy Halloween.  Go check out some other posts and leave a comment.  See you tomorrow with something reasonably thought provoking.  I need to get back to work on my Moe the Bartender costume.  If you see me tonight, flaming moe’s are on me.

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